If only

I look in your eyes
and remember the days
that it felt so real,
so right in so many ways..

But now I only feel
My anger, my boiling blood
the only thing that’s real
is a resentment in my gut

If only
true love
was real


Good God!

I want to believe in a Good God
Who created us humans
by mistake, so flawed
And now this creator, our One God
Looks down at our chaos thinking
‘Good God!’

Still Alive

Today I heard
A total stranger
Talk about
a baby she lost

And I couldn’t help it
I had to mention you
Like a mother would do
‘Oh gosh! my child too!!!’

And I realized

After everything
we have been through
After searching
for reasons I lost you

You are still alive

The Split Second

Just after your foot slips
On a stair case

Just when you cross the road
To see a car in your face

Just after you hear the gun
But haven’t yet felt it’s hate

There is a moment
Just a split second

When you think
This is not me
This is not real
It cannot be

That my life in this second
Is normal, average, even good
But in the next I will be
hurt, damaged, even dead

Soft Strength

I want to grab you
Want to lick you
Want to feel your strength

I want to have you
Where I want you
and to my will you’ll bend

I will trick you
I will tease you
I will play with your head

You may be stronger
and much bigger
But you’ll be mine in the end


When I see you
It angers me
Because I cannot look beyond
the deformity
I don’t want to touch your soul
To look for any beauty

This angers me
This scares me
Because it shows me where
My deformity lies
And it’s not in a place
That you can see


crunching metal
smoky fumes
painful reminder
of a possible doom
my daughter’s just two
one moment a hazy dream
the next in gloom

and all I remember
Is painful waves
I hear her crying
I feel waving pain

My mind a muddle
and yet so clear
I can see clear depths
through waves of fear

If I could paint a picture
I would draw a blue sky
with all life’s burdens
leaving me with a sigh….

Waiting for You

It’s been a while
It’s been too long
Since I saw you
So don’t take long
I will wait for you
I will wait for you

I will cry
And I will shout
Do everything
To show without a doubt
That I’m over you
But I will wait for you

For every door that
I slammed shut
One is still open
You only need to call out
It will open for you
I’m still waiting for you