Whether to Get My Life Back

First it was the nausea

With my head in a toilet bowl

Pee running down my legs

As I retch out everything…..

Then it was the dizziness

Sudden feelings of faintness

Inability to concentrate

And joyful glory of moodswings……

Waiting at the doctors office

Biting my nails

Hoping.. no, praying

That my little stranger is doing well…..

Rushing to the hospital

With contractions that came too soon

Sitting in an operating theater

Cold and all alone….

Staying at home

Praying to whomever the God

That my baby will not be born

Too soon and sleeping….

Relief as I pass

That 28 week mark

Then come the leg cramps

The heaviness, the waddle….

Now waiting and waiting

For that inevitable date

When I see your face

And sigh in relief….

A friend says

“Don’t you want your life back?”

I reply



Frustration: the sum of parts
A part is the hormones
That fail to balance
A part the ovaries
That refuse to function
A part the scale
That just doesn’t give in
A part my little child
Who didn’t survive
A part the need
To have a child
A part the disappointments
Of being infertile
A part the job
Which demands stress
A part the exams
Dragging on no end
A part my anger
Which broke a friendship
A part the friend
Who refuses to forget and forgive
Frustration is the sum
Of so many things
All clinging to my thoughts
Refusing to let me live


The only permanence
In this life
Is that things will change
No matter the control
We pretend to have
That will also change
I crave for the peace
That I used to have
But now that has changed
Show me the way
To the healing light
The ability to embrace
That things are not
Under my control
For my control will also change

Dear diary

I started exercising
I stopped biting my nails
I got over depression
Robin Williams died
I’m now in fixed income
The markets are slow
I’m making profits
The rest is classified
Swiss visa is approved!
I was baffled
It didn’t take time
I’ve given up on pregnancy
It feels like such a stress
So we just don’t discuss it
And we haven’t tried
And in all the past months
i Haven’t had a single poetic thought
I’ve had no motivation
To write a single line

My Blog Identity

I’m completely against

my family

Finding out

my blog identity

This is where I get

to tell the world how I feel

shout from roof-tops

with no regrets

so why do I want to complicate

a simple place

where I can complain

and gripe of my pains

without fear

of my problems being solved

as family will tend to do

because when all my tension is calmed

there will not be emotion

nothing to see

for there is rarely poetry

in a calm sea




Don’t you dare

Don’t you dare

try to tell me

what to do

don’t you dare

try to control me

to do things best for you

You come and tell me

as if you mean the best

as if you really care

but don’t you try

and take my happiness

don’t you ever dare!!!


The Fight

The water was boiling on the stove
The water heater was also on
somewhere between washing the baby and cooking
Someone forgot to turn one off

The fight started in the kitchen
About the expense of gas
And progressed onto the baby
Who was looking on with awe

Why do you not care for your own baby
Why do we have to do it all
We cook, we clean, we wash, we dust
and look after the baby to top it all

Then the daughter packed her bags
and grabbed her husband by the arm
they loaded their luggage
and took their baby into a tiny car

and then when all was done and said
Someone returned to the stove
and saw that the water was still boiling
it was forgotten in the middle of it all